Spirit

By Yoko O’Toole

Have you ever read “The Blue Bird,” written by Maurice Maeterlinck? This story exactly reflects my life.

I was a happy and lucky child, teen, and young adult, but I had a deep desire for more happiness. I backpacked around the world in search of this deep happiness by myself after I finished my first college program in Japan.  It took me almost one year to travel around the world, but I could not find it.  I kept looking and looking, then I got unhappier and unhappier. One day, my life turned upside down.  My life had so many hardships I thought I was dreaming a long bad dream.

I have investigated many religions since I was a teenager, but I did not belong to any and I did not know about the Church Of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, however, I believed in God. I knew that many things happened because of my poor choices, so I looked up and talked to God.

 “I will do my best to do right to get back on my feet, please watch over me!” 

I have never strived to live so righteously before and I tried for three years. I just needed to live each day to survive. At the hardest point, I had strange things happen out of the blue. I was almost losing hope. I cried and shouted at the sky. 

“I have been working so hard, but why?! I cannot take this anymore!” 

I crouched down on the street by myself and cried.  But soon after, I found out that my life turned out to be ok. God was always watching over me. Before I understood this I felt ashamed because of my lack of faith.  A few months later, another strange unexpected thing happened again, But that time, I did not shout at the sky. Then I met Cherie who became my dearest friend and saved me many times and introduced me to the church.  I was a very active investigator for 2 years. The church never let me down and I became a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

The Blue Bird story tells about children who traveled around the world looking for the Bluebird because if you catch Bluebird, they will be happy forever. They could not catch the Bluebird. However, in the end, they found that happiness was always just in front of them.  

Now I am a member of the church for over 10 years,  I know that I promised my Heavenly Father and Mother that I would return to them and that I was looking for them. My spirit longs for them and this makes me cry because I miss them so much when I think about them.  I love them so much from the bottom of my heart and I looked far and wide for a long long time all around the world.  I made so many mistakes and failed many times, but God never forsook me but forgave me, guided, protected, cared for me, and sent Jesus to save me with love and generosity which is beyond my capacity to understand.  

We all know no one’s life is easy, but because of faith, I know now that God is always watching over me. I am greatly comforted and the hard things in life are much easier to deal with than 10 years ago. Most importantly are the promises I made to return to live with them! When I was younger, I was clueless to use my natural eyes to find deep answers. I was traveling around the world to find what I was looking for with my eyes. I found the answers right beside me with my spirit. He is the source of true happiness, joy, and comfort and I feel so blessed with His love. I appreciate these blessings and have a deep desire to return to Them.